The Reverse Golden Rule

 

What it is: Notice the gap between how you treat others and how you treat yourself. If you wouldn't speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself, or wouldn't expect from others what you demand of yourself, that's valuable information about your self-worth standards.

This week, practice giving yourself the same kindness you naturally offer everyone else.

Example scenarios:

You tell friends, "one mistake doesn't define you," but replay your own errors for days. → What if you applied your friend advice to yourself? You encourage others to rest when sick, but push through your own illness. → Why do others deserve care but you don't? You celebrate friends' small wins but dismiss your own accomplishments. → What makes their progress more worthy than yours? You'd never tell someone "you're not good enough," but your inner voice says it constantly. → Why is cruelty acceptable when it's self-directed? You give others permission to have bad days but expect yourself to be "on" all the time → What would change if you extended yourself the same grace?

Why it works: Most people have a natural instinct for compassion—toward others. We intuitively know how to be encouraging, understanding, and realistic with people we care about.

But we often operate under completely different rules for ourselves. This exercise reveals the double standard and helps you access the kindness you already possess.

Try this: When you catch yourself being harsh, pause and ask: "What would I say to my best friend in this exact situation?" Then say that to yourself instead. Notice how different the words feel. Practice this swap three times this week.

Therapist insight: Self-compassion isn't about lowering your standards; it's about raising them. When you treat yourself with the same respect you show others, you actually become more motivated and resilient, not less.

Reframe this week: Instead of "I need to be harder on myself to improve," → "I deserve the same kindness I give to people I care about."

Celebrate this: You already know how to be compassionate, you do it for others all the time. Turning that skill toward yourself isn't selfish; it's finally being fair.