On Day 2 of the 16 Days of Activism, we are naming the everyday behaviours and beliefs that quietly lay the groundwork for gender based violence. It begins when possessiveness is treated as passion, when jokes that degrade women or queer and trans people are brushed off, and when early signs of control in relationships are minimised instead of addressed. It continues when institutions dismiss complaints, protect those in power, or create barriers to reporting. Recognising these patterns is essential. Prevention requires transparency, accountability, and communities willing to speak up long before harm escalates.
For Day 3 of the 16 Days of Activism, we are focusing on why believing survivors is essential to safety and healing. Many people carry the fear of being dismissed or blamed when they disclose harm. Belief is not blind trust. It is recognition of the courage it takes to speak up and an acknowledgment that judgment only pushes survivors further into silence. When we listen with care, survivors feel safer coming forward, and communities become stronger in their response to violence.
Trauma does not end when the violence ends. It stays in the body, shaping how someone sleeps, reacts, thinks, and moves through the world. These responses are not weakness. They are the body’s way of surviving danger that has already passed. When we understand trauma for what it is, we stop expecting survivors to “move on” and start creating environments where they feel safe enough to heal at their own pace.
Abuse often begins in the small shifts people feel pressured to hide. Someone becomes careful with their words, anxious about upsetting their partner, or distant from the friends who ground them. These changes are not “mood swings” or “relationship problems.” They are signs that someone may feel unsafe. When we notice these shifts with care, we can gently check in, offer a listening ear, share local resources, or help them find safer ways to talk about what’s happening. Early support can interrupt isolation and remind survivors they do not have to navigate fear alone.
Coercive control is one of the most misunderstood forms of abuse. It rarely leaves physical marks, which is why it often goes unrecognised in courts and overlooked in systems that rely on visible evidence. Yet its impact is profound. It works slowly through monitoring, isolation, strict rules, and unpredictable anger that keep survivors on alert. Many people feel confused long before they realise they’re being controlled. Naming coercive control helps us identify harm earlier and advocate for survivors whose experiences are dismissed simply because the violence is harder to see.
Consent is not a simple yes or no. It depends on whether someone feels safe enough to choose freely. Many survivors agree to things because saying no feels dangerous, confusing, or emotionally costly. Pressure, fear, manipulation, past trauma, or the need to keep the peace all shape someone’s response. Real consent feels calm and grounded, not pressured or forced. When we understand consent through the lens of safety, we are better equipped to support survivors who were never given the space to choose for themselves.
When someone shares their story, they are trusting you with something tender and often painful. Many survivors have been ignored or judged before, especially those who are young, racialized, queer, or new to the country. A gentle response can mean more than you realise. Listening without interruption, believing without hesitation, and simply staying present lets a survivor feel they are finally being met with care instead of doubt. No one should have to carry their truth alone.
Safety planning is often done quietly and under stress, and no one should have to figure it out on their own. If you or someone you know needs help creating a plan that feels realistic, safe, and grounded in lived experience, we are here to support you. Our team uses our own expertise as survivors to guide people through options with care and compassion.
If you need help, you can reach us directly at info@survivor-advocates.org for confidential support.
Today we remember the fourteen women whose lives were stolen at École Polytechnique. They were targeted for one reason only. They were women. Their names and faces remind us that gender based violence is not a distant issue. It is here. It is present. And it continues to shape the lives of women, girls, and gender diverse people across Canada.
As we honour these women, we also commit to challenging the attitudes and systems that allow violence to persist. Their lives mattered. Their futures mattered. And the work to build safety, equity, and accountability continues in their memory.
Supporting a survivor begins with creating space where they feel believed and safe to speak. Many survivors carry fear of judgment or blame, so even a calm voice, patient listening, or a simple reminder that their choices matter can make a real difference. Support is not about having all the answers. It is about showing care in a way that respects their pace and honours their strength.
Men play an essential role in ending gender based violence. Speaking up when something feels wrong, challenging harmful attitudes, and modelling respect in their relationships all create safer environments for women, girls, and gender diverse people. Change does not happen through silence. It happens when men choose accountability, empathy, and care in the moments that matter.
Human Rights Day reminds us that living free from gender based violence is not optional. It is a fundamental human right. Too many survivors still face fear, discrimination, and barriers that silence their voices and limit their safety. Standing for human rights means standing for a world where everyone can live with dignity, choice, and protection from harm. Today we honour survivors, amplify their truths, and recommit to building a future rooted in safety and equality for all.
National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women
A day that was created out of a tragedy that devastated a nation.
On December 6, 1989, 14 women were killed by a gunman at École Polytechnique in Montreal. It will be 36 years since the murder of 14 young women at Polytechnique Montréal.This act of violent misogyny shook our country and led Parliament to designate December 6 as The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women.
On December 6, we remember:
Geneviève Bergeron, Hélène Colgan, Nathalie Croteau, Barbara Daigneault, Anne-Marie Edward, Maud Haviernick, Maryse Laganière, Maryse Leclair, Anne-Marie Lemay, Sonia Pelletier, Michèle Richard, Annie St-Arneault, Annie Turcotte and Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz
Ways to honour the victims of this tragedy on December 6:
Wear a white ribbon. You can make one at home or order one online.
Observe a moment of silence at 11:00 am.
Attend a vigil in your community.
Follow Women and Gender Equality Canada:
On December 6th and throughout the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence (from November 25 to December 10), add your voice to the conversation and share the ways you are being part of the solution to end gender-based violence. Use the hashtag #16Days.
Learn more about the 16 Days of Activism Against GBV campaign and how to get involved.
The holidays are often a time of joy and togetherness, but for those experiencing abuse, they can bring added stress, danger, and isolation.
Domestic violence tends to escalate during this season due to factors like increased time at home with an abuser, financial pressures, and heightened substance use. Heartbreakingly, many survivors who have left abusive situations may feel compelled to return to their abusers during this time of year.
Domestic violence tends to escalate during this season due to factors like increased time at home with an abuser, financial pressures, and heightened substance use. Heartbreakingly, many survivors who have left abusive situations may feel compelled to return to their abusers during this time of year.
| ||
| ||
|
Create a Safety Plan
No comments:
Post a Comment